The Stonewall Intention

As we near the Northwest's Pride Celeberations, I encourage you to remember the original intention of those who rioted at Stonewall in 1969. That night, patrons rebelled against police, forcing them out of the bar and into the streets. To borrow the words from The Who's anthem, "We ain't gonna take it!" That was the cry that was heard that night. Patrons wanted to be left alone to mourn the passing of Judy Garland without disturbance from New York city's "finest."

As we struggle for marriage equality and civil rights throughout the United States, let us not forget the original intent that night. "Leave us alone" is a far different sentiment than "Accept us." I would suggest that as Leatherfolk, we do not give a fuck about acceptance. With the patrons of Stonewall, we only want to be left alone to celebrate our sexuality as consensual adults.

Many years ago when I came out as a Leatherboy, I was told by Mr. Guy Baldwin that I should show respect for others not in the Life. I learned to wear my Leather only when it was appropriate. And while some took the phrase "Living in Leather" quite literally, I chose to follow the older tradition, reserving it for evenings, Runs, and Pride events.

"We want acceptance as part of society." While this may be the sentiment of some, personally I do not want to see Leatherfolk in Gear shopping in Safeway on a Saturday morning. I, also, do not want to bring my grandchildren to public places in broad daylight where F/folk flaunt their toys off their hips and shoulders. My grandchildren do not need to know about flogging techniques or cock rings until they are sexually active and exhibit curiousity. This coincides with my interpretation of consensual behavior.

Acceptance is a two-edged sword for Leatherfolk. We define ourselves as rule breakers. We delight in being bad boys and girls pushing the confines of accepted social behavior. Thus, by our very nature, acceptance into the maintstream is the antithesis of who we are. In short, techniques do not define us as Leatherfolk.

During Pride, let us march together with our brothers and sisters in solidarity. We do not ask that people like us. We do not ask that people approve of us. We demand the right to be left alone to celebrate our radical sexuality as we define it.

Self-anointed Daddies and Other Fairytales

As I celebrate my twenty-first year since coming out in Leather, I sadly note the loss of core values within the Tribe. As ego eclipses experience, the terms "sir" and "daddy" become commonplace, assumed labels with little or no foundation.

I would suggest that those men who decide to annoint themselves with a dominant title totally miss the boat. "Sir" is a title bestowed on someone, either by a mentor or by a submissive. It is a recognition for training. Because being a sir entails mentorship, a dominant must have an understanding of the art of SM. The development of a boy must be understood. The moniker is ultimately a gift.

Nor does one automatically decide to be a "daddy." I am a biological father and grandfather, and I feel a great deal of paternal feelings for my boys. they know that "Daddy" or "Daddy Sir" are terms reserved solely for them. This distinguishes them as different from the other boys in the community. If I were to invite all boys to call me "Daddy" the term would lose its unique meaning for them.

One of the most experienced Sirs in the Northwest is Aubrey Sparks. When meeting him, he does not introduce himself as "Sir" or "Daddy" Aubrey. Rather, he introduces himself simply. "Hello, I am Aubrey." Two weeks ago as I watched him play with my boys, I noticed how quickly "Aubrey" became "Sir" to them. Not once did I hear him say to them during play, "Call me 'Sir.'" They understood instinctively what to call him without any prompt.

I suggest that those who introduce themselves using a descriptive, dominant label usually lack the confidence to be what they claim. With few exceptions, these men lack the training that has been the foundation of Leather culture.

A true Sir learns His craft. After years of service, He assumes His true role as a dominant. Finally, He earns the respect to be called "Sir" by the submissives with whom He plays.

One of the questions asked during my interview at the Northwest LeatherSir contest. "Can a man be a sir without a boy?" My answer, "No!" A man can feel he is a sir, and he can even be honored by other sirs. But without boys to acknowledge his ultimate place as a dominant and a mentor, he is not a sir. Like everything else in life, true meaning is defined by the operation of that person or thing.

"Sir" and "Daddy" are not titles with which we annoint ourselves. They are gifts given.

Hugh B Russell
Northwest LeatherSir 2010