Self-anointed Daddies and Other Fairytales

As I celebrate my twenty-first year since coming out in Leather, I sadly note the loss of core values within the Tribe. As ego eclipses experience, the terms "sir" and "daddy" become commonplace, assumed labels with little or no foundation.

I would suggest that those men who decide to annoint themselves with a dominant title totally miss the boat. "Sir" is a title bestowed on someone, either by a mentor or by a submissive. It is a recognition for training. Because being a sir entails mentorship, a dominant must have an understanding of the art of SM. The development of a boy must be understood. The moniker is ultimately a gift.

Nor does one automatically decide to be a "daddy." I am a biological father and grandfather, and I feel a great deal of paternal feelings for my boys. they know that "Daddy" or "Daddy Sir" are terms reserved solely for them. This distinguishes them as different from the other boys in the community. If I were to invite all boys to call me "Daddy" the term would lose its unique meaning for them.

One of the most experienced Sirs in the Northwest is Aubrey Sparks. When meeting him, he does not introduce himself as "Sir" or "Daddy" Aubrey. Rather, he introduces himself simply. "Hello, I am Aubrey." Two weeks ago as I watched him play with my boys, I noticed how quickly "Aubrey" became "Sir" to them. Not once did I hear him say to them during play, "Call me 'Sir.'" They understood instinctively what to call him without any prompt.

I suggest that those who introduce themselves using a descriptive, dominant label usually lack the confidence to be what they claim. With few exceptions, these men lack the training that has been the foundation of Leather culture.

A true Sir learns His craft. After years of service, He assumes His true role as a dominant. Finally, He earns the respect to be called "Sir" by the submissives with whom He plays.

One of the questions asked during my interview at the Northwest LeatherSir contest. "Can a man be a sir without a boy?" My answer, "No!" A man can feel he is a sir, and he can even be honored by other sirs. But without boys to acknowledge his ultimate place as a dominant and a mentor, he is not a sir. Like everything else in life, true meaning is defined by the operation of that person or thing.

"Sir" and "Daddy" are not titles with which we annoint ourselves. They are gifts given.

Hugh B Russell
Northwest LeatherSir 2010